The art of mastering a Best Man speech can often unnerve the most experienced of orators therefore it is key to have a few tricks to turn towards in the unlikely event that your Best Man speech is not going according to plan. In fact even you received a standing ovation you should still avail of the Best Man’s Secret Weapons-faxes, telegrams and emails.   

What’s so secret about that?  you may be wondering, well the trick is to have some pre-written faxes, by yourself naturally, and read them out as if they were genuine. The right “fax” can have the guests wiping tears away with the laughter, but before I give examples, it is vital to understand three things;

 1) No vulgarity, it may be funny for you and your pals, but more than likely it will offend the vast majority of the crowd, particularly The Bride and her Wedding Party.

2) Veer on the side of brevity, two funny faxes will certainly last longer in the mind than five mediocre ones.

3) Always ensure that any genuine faxes or emails also get read out. You should start with these faxes and then to lead into your ones you might say, “We received a few strange faxes for the Groom but I shall read them out nonetheless”. 

Examples of Funny Telegrams

Dear John,

We are delighted to hear of the news of your wedding. We hope we will be seeing less of you now that you are a married man.

Love
Hugh and the gang at The Playboy Mansion

Dear John and Sarah

Congratulations on your Big Day, we are thrilled for you both. We also wanted to make you aware that your first order has been dispatched.

From
Everyone at Bouncing Babies Ltd.

Dear John,

Sorry we can’t be there on your Big Day and hearty congratulations all round. I hope Sarah knows your nickname in the office is “God” because you are hardly ever seen and it is a miracle if you get any work done. We are thrilled for you both and hope you enjoy a great honeymoon.

From
All the gang in the office

Remember that you know the audience better than most so it is essential to ensure that your material does not offend, so if any doubt about some of your material, leave it out, simple as that. This section of the Best Man speech is a fun enjoyable part so choose your material wisely and then revel in the applause afterwards.

Opening lines are the second-most important lines of your Best Man speech, that honor belongs to the closing line. Nonetheless their importance cannot be underestimated and generally set the tone both in content and style for the rest of your speech. These 5 opening lines of a Best Man speech are each very powerful, yet all fall into very unique categories.

Sarcasm

It’s not often ladies & gentlemen that you have an opportunity to stand-up in front of a large crowd, and compliment your best friend, pointing out his many outstanding qualities… and today will be no different!

Lighthearted (using an example of John as Groom and Sarah as Bride)

Thank you very much John I sincerely hope you enjoyed your 3 minute speech because as a married man, that is the last time you will ever get to speak for 3 minutes without being interrupted. Before I begin in earnest can I ask John to place his hand over Sarah’s, does that feel nice? Well you better make the most of it because it’s the last time you will ever have the upper hand now that you are a married man.

Witty

It is quite ironic ladies and gentlemen that I stand beside John in his finest hour as he stood beside me in mine… when Dallas Cowboys won the Superbowl. John confided in me that in choosing seating arrangements for today, he decided to arrange by size of wedding gifts, so for the people at the back thank you all for the matching pairs of socks.

Sincere

Ladies & gentlemen I am very proud to stand before you as Best Man today. John & Sarah are the perfect couple and Sarah I speak for all of John’s friends when I say he is the happiest he has ever been since you have come into his life.

Humor

Ladies & gentlemen today marks a sad day for single men as another gorgeous girl steps beyond our reach, and girls I’m sure John entering marriage has barely registered among you. John is dark & handsome, sorry, I meant when it is dark, John is handsome.