best man jokes

Getting into the festive spirit we have been wondering how a man renowned around the world for delivering the goods, would fare if he had to deliver a best man speech. Would his jokes be funny? How would he perform when providing the toast? Well wonder no more and enjoy our interpretation of Santa’s best man speech.

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls,

It is wonderful to be here today in a room with a big door rather than a cramped chimney. I know you all have been very good particularly our bride and groom John and Sarah and to hear those lovely wedding bells made my heart glow with joy, they are my 2nd favorite type of bells, after jingle bells of course.

To see so many old friends in attendance is lovely. I checked the wedding list, in fact I checked it twice and given that John and Sarah are heading off on honeymoon I am allowing them be both naughty and nice. I’m sure they won’t have too many silent nights as a happily married couple but if they do just remember the magic words “you’re right dear.”

The ceremony in the church was perfect, to have 4 fathers so heavily involved was marvellous with the father of the bride, the father of the groom, the priest Fr. Murphy and myself Father Christmas all playing our parts.

My own dear wife Mrs. Clause is back in Lapland looking after the reindeer, she will be good at that as she has been reining me in for years. I still remember when we first kissed under the mistletoe, everyone’s hearts melted though as it was a hot day, for the snowmen, it was a lot more than just hearts that melted.

I know you all agree with me that our lovely couple are the ideal match (though try to keep matches away from chimneys at this time of year) so please join me in toasting the bride and groom.

Wishing them as much love as the moment they said “I do”
Not just at Christmas but all-year round too.

Thank you all so very much, Merry Christmas.

Okay, so I am aware it is only the early days of November and Christmas may seem a long way away but just as a Best Man in the summer prepares his Best Man speech in the weeks and months leading up to the wedding I am allowing the same courtesy to anyone who has to perform the role as Best Man at a Christmas wedding and therefore am providing some jokes and one-liners to assist them in their speech.

1)  As a married man myself, I can assure John that from now on Christmas will live long in his heart, way past December, it’s on my wife’s credit card bill 12 months of the year.

2) Being so near Christmas it wouldn’t surprise me if the Groomsmen passed on some of their Christmas presents as gifts to the Bride and Groom, so at least John and Sarah can easily identify who gave them the train set, the rubix cube and the toy wrestling figures.

3) Thanks to today I have had to alter my usual Christmas gift for John, I only hope I remember to call Bachelor’s Anonymous tomorrow to cancel his annual subscription.

A Best Man speech at Christmas offers a great opportunity to use props in your speech, so if you haven’t already done so, then read this post;

Using Props To Enhance Your Best Man Speech

A Best Man speech at Christmas should be the exact same format as a Best Man speech at any other time of year, but adding a couple of seasonal jokes should ensure that the spirit of goodwill is reflected in the ovation your speech receives afterwards.

Humor, as we know, is the trademark of a successful Best Man speech, you have hopefully,by now, read my previous post on The Top 20 Best Man Jokes, so humor will not be a difficulty for you, however another lighthearted method of providing laughter in your Best Man speech is to include a short section ” I Knew The Groom was in Love When..” then include some of the lines below;

..when he bought his own cologne instead of borrowing mine all the time.

..when he went on a diet and actually kept to it this time around.

..when he asked me if I knew where the finest jewelry store was.

..when he evolved into a smiling, happy, carefree person, rather than the grumpy guy I knew so well.

..when he traded nights out in the pub for romantic candlelit dinners.

You could finish this portion of your speech with a nice compliment about the Bride like “it is easy to see why John fell in love with Sarah, as she is a gorgeous person not too mention being a stunning beautiful lady.”

As ever it is vital not to offend so keep your comments good-natured and include a compliment to the Bride, you can then relax, secure in the knowledge that your Best Man speech will live long in the memory.

Today we take a break from the serious stuff, allowing all you budding Best Men to put your feet up and revel in the humor of the Top 3 Most Memorable Best Man Speeches in Movie History. I would not encourage anyone to use any of the quotes from these movies in your own speech however, as they are littered with profanities, but if you get a chance do try and catch these movies as these scenes are sure to put a smile on you face.

 
Steve Buscemi in The Wedding Singer

Buscemi’s cameo role as Best Man in The Wedding Singer was a scene-stealer in every sense. This uncredited role sees Buscemi in all his glory as Best Man at his brother’s wedding, with a very large chip on his shoulder about his father. His speech sneers with jealousy, drips with spite but his short speech, less than 2 minutes, remains one of cinema’s most memorable Best Man speeches.

Sample line “You’ll be divorced in a year.”

Hugh Grant in Four Weddings And A Funeral

Back in 1994 when Hugh Grant was best known for his acting, he gave one of movies most endearing Best Man speeches in Four Weddings And A Funeral. Given his character’s bumbling personality it was somewhat ironic that the future Mr.Bean, Rowan Atkinson, was one of the guests at the wedding.

Sample line “This is the second time I have been Best Man, I hope I did okay that time. The couple in question are at least still talking to me, unfortunately they are not actually talking to each other, their divorce came through a couple of months ago.”

Luke Wilson in Old School

In this frat-pack comedy Luke Wilson gives a very short Best Man speech until Vince Vaughn wrestles the microphone off him before he can do any more damage. Juvenile? possibly, funny? certainly, memorable? most definitely.

Sample line “True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded.”

I may not have included your favorite Best Man speech from the big screen, so if that is the case feel free to let me know.

On Tuesday we are back to the serious stuff as we look at “Famous song-lyrics suitable for a Best Man Speech.”