The art of mastering a Best Man speech can often unnerve the most experienced of orators therefore it is key to have a few tricks to turn towards in the unlikely event that your Best Man speech is not going according to plan. In fact even you received a standing ovation you should still avail of the Best Man’s Secret Weapons-faxes, telegrams and emails.   

What’s so secret about that?  you may be wondering, well the trick is to have some pre-written faxes, by yourself naturally, and read them out as if they were genuine. The right “fax” can have the guests wiping tears away with the laughter, but before I give examples, it is vital to understand three things;

 1) No vulgarity, it may be funny for you and your pals, but more than likely it will offend the vast majority of the crowd, particularly The Bride and her Wedding Party.

2) Veer on the side of brevity, two funny faxes will certainly last longer in the mind than five mediocre ones.

3) Always ensure that any genuine faxes or emails also get read out. You should start with these faxes and then to lead into your ones you might say, “We received a few strange faxes for the Groom but I shall read them out nonetheless”. 

Examples of Funny Telegrams

Dear John,

We are delighted to hear of the news of your wedding. We hope we will be seeing less of you now that you are a married man.

Love
Hugh and the gang at The Playboy Mansion

Dear John and Sarah

Congratulations on your Big Day, we are thrilled for you both. We also wanted to make you aware that your first order has been dispatched.

From
Everyone at Bouncing Babies Ltd.

Dear John,

Sorry we can’t be there on your Big Day and hearty congratulations all round. I hope Sarah knows your nickname in the office is “God” because you are hardly ever seen and it is a miracle if you get any work done. We are thrilled for you both and hope you enjoy a great honeymoon.

From
All the gang in the office

Remember that you know the audience better than most so it is essential to ensure that your material does not offend, so if any doubt about some of your material, leave it out, simple as that. This section of the Best Man speech is a fun enjoyable part so choose your material wisely and then revel in the applause afterwards.

So the Big Day looms closer, the thoughts of hundreds of people staring in anticipation at the very words that you deliver, is burdened on your mind and despite the exterior bravado of I can’t wait to deliver my Best Man speech I am going to have them falling off their chairs in laughter and am looking forward to my standing ovation afterwards, deep inside you are nervous, very nervous … I know that, and you know that. Delivering a great Best Man speech is not an easy task, nerves affect the most confident Best Men so it is vital to get a good start with your speech.

By following a previous entry on this site (http://www.bestmanhelp.com/five-great-opening-lines-for-your-best-man-speech) you hopefully by now have a great opening line to get the guests on your side from the start, so where do we go from there you might be wondering? A very popular, and successful Best Man speech tip is to incorporate dates in history to events relevant to your Bride and Groom. The general rule of thumb is to embarrass the Groom and compliment the Bride.

Here are 5 great examples (using “John” and “Sarah” as our Bride and Groom)

John was born in 1980 when the question gripping the nation was Who Shot JR? Today the question on many of our minds is, how has John managed to marry such a gorgeous girl as Sarah? Sarah was born in 1981 a year in which the song Bette Davies Eyes was a hit single, well Bette Davies isn’t here today but if she was, she would be jealous of Sarah’s good looks befitting any Hollywood star.

I first met John in 1984 when I Just Called To Say I Love You was a big hit, now I am not saying John is tight with his money, but had he recorded it, the song would have been titled I Just Called Collect To Say I Love You. That song was recorded for a movie called The Woman In Red but it’s the woman in white today who is the real star and isn’t she beautiful?

It was on this day in 1966 that Star Trek first aired on TV, and now over 40 years later we have yet to establish what planet John is from, as it is certainly not planet earth. Far be it for me to hint that John lacks common sense, but he once told me he couldn’t surf the net as he didn’t know how to swim! Meanwhile on this day in 1990 Pretty Woman topped the box-office but Sarah isn’t just a pretty woman, she is a stunning beautiful woman!

It was on this day in 1978 that the New York Yankees won the World Series, and I speak for all of John’s friends when I say that in Sarah, he has won the World Series, Superbowl, World Cup and lottery rolled into one. Sarah is a very special girl and I’m overjoyed that my best friend is marrying such a wonderful lady.

Sarah was born in the same year that the song The Most Beautiful Girl in the World topped the charts, whilst the most played song at John’s Bachelor Party was Lucky Man, which sums up the sentiments of everyone here today. That, by the way, will be the sole reference to John’s Bachelor Party in my speech today.

Don’t try to overcomplicate it, simply use one funny example for the Groom and a compliment for the Bride. Ideally, use this at the early section of your Best Man speech,then relax and enjoy the rest of your speech knowing that you have the audience willing you on.

With all the excitement and nervousness that comes with being the Best Man it is quite understandable to forget a tiny minute detail. However, bear in mind that any detail forgotten by the Best Man could have severe implications on the Big Day itself. Could you imagine for example arriving at the church having forgotten the rings?, or standing up to give your speech when that gulp reaches deep in your throat as you have realized that your speech is left behind in your hotel ? Or it may be that on the morning of the wedding you cannot locate one of your Groomsmen who you last saw holding court in the bar at 1am. My role here is not to further induce nerves or pressure for your job as Best Man but merely to ensure that you realize that being Best Man entails more than giving a speech and organizing a Bachelor Party.

Here is my essential guide for your duties and expected responsibilities in your role as Best Man:

• Organize the Bachelor Party
• Ensure that the Groomsmen arrive for the measuring of the suits
• Ensure that the Groomsmen arrive for the dress rehearsal
• Liaise with the Groom regarding tips for the priest, flowergirl, limo-drivers and whomever else that the Groom wants to be tipped. Keep each in a separate envelope to hand out at the appropriate moment
• Co-ordinate with the Groomsmen the collection and safe deposit of gifts
• Gather the respective individuals required for the photographs
• At hotel check to see if any emails or faxes have arrived for the wedding party, if so incorporate them into your speech
• Dance with the Maid of Honor along with the mothers of both the Bride and Groom

At this stage you must be thinking hold on, it can’t be that easy, isn’t there something else? and indeed you would be right, there are actually 2 more points to add;

The Ring, we know it’s a cliche but just don’t forget it. Keep it safe and have it readily available when it comes time to part with it

The Speech, most Best Men dread this part but if you regularly watch for my posts here, you will look forward to the speech with infectious enthusiasm knowing that you have all the tools to give a Best Man speech that will garner a standing ovation.